Benjamin Duddles of Waukesha, Wis., doesn't like women who snore.
But unlike most American men who are too afraid to do anything about it, he actually did something about it.
He called the Waukesha police and demanded they arrest the woman in his bed. He didn't know her name, it is true, but he complained that the Woman with No Name was "snoring like a freight train."
Mr. Duddles may not realize this yet, but soon he will be famous, because he's the one guy heroic enough to broach a taboo subject:
Women who snore.
"I don't snore," said a woman I ran into Wednesday, reflecting the attitudes of most women who won't admit it. "And I hate hearing a man snore. I really can't stand it. The heavy breathing, too, that bothers me. My friends say, 'It's a respiration thing with you.' And they're right."
Men are flawed in ways too numerous to count. We snore and scratch when asleep. We often leave our socks on the bathroom floor. There are also occasional burping issues. The list of our outrages is endless.
But women hardly ever admit to snoring, at least publicly in a newspaper column. This suggests that, as a tribe, they are constantly in denial in the log-sawing area.
Which brings us back to the saga of Mr. Duddles.
At approximately 4:21 a.m. on the morning of Nov. 10, he called 911 to demand some police protection from the snoring woman next to him.
"Yes, he did," Waukesha police Capt. Ron Oremus told me over the phone. "This is exactly the kind of thing that can make police work interesting."
According to the police report, and the audio file of the 911 call that I've obtained, Mr. Duddles was being tortured by the sound.
He just couldn't take it anymore. So he called the police, and a female police dispatcher answered.
On the audio, Mr. Duddles seems, well, tired. And the police dispatcher has a chirpy voice, like a mom who's heard it all before.
Duddles: Yeah, I was wondering if you could send an officer to my place to have someone physically removed?
Police: Who do you want removed?
Duddles: Just a girl.
Police: Who's "Just a girl"?
Duddles: She's sleeping in my bed, yeah, and I'm sitting on the couch in the living room talking to you.
Police: How did she get into your apartment and into your bed?