Moutza pool as deep as a bottle of muscatel

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Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass talks about candidates for "moutza" of the month, including those who panic over government shutdown. (Posted on Oct.1, 2013)

Readers are rather philosophical about the Moutza of the Month.

And today is the day that we award the coveted moutza for September.

"John, moutza everyone," writes Mary Zazula Monarch. "All of us. At one time or another we have probably done some really boneheaded things. Kind of like a general moutza. I accept mine."

I accept mine, too. But there's plenty of time for that after the holidays, when we recount our many failures.

Today is the day for honoring that special person who deserves the hand, the Nah! and either "fata" (eat them) or "feesa etho" (blow right here) as uttered by my Hellenic forefathers.

So get your open hands ready, and bare feet if you need them. Who wins September's Moutza of the Month?

We have baseball fans and a baseball thief, and politicians of both parties, like that New Jersey Democrat running for Senate, Cory Booker, who got "caught" tweeting with a stripper in a vegan "gentlemen's club."

Cory? Who believes that? A vegan stripper? Yeah, right.

Let's not forget Ald. Deborah Graham, 29th. According to a Tribune story last Sunday by reporters David Jackson and Gary Marx, Graham joined with Mayor Rahm Emanuel's administration to help a drug dealer get a six-figure city grant and open a liquor store.

Just what the West Side needs. Another entrepreneur.

Reader Ollie Capra came up with a new nickname for Graham:

"Ald. Deborah 'Muscatel' Graham," Capra wrote.

And then there's Russian overlord Vladimir Putin, who removes his shirt, rides horses, holds a knife and flexes his pecs for the cameras.

Putin stepped into the U.S. confrontation with Syria over chemical weapons last month with a diplomatic solution.

President Barack Obama would have lost a vote in Congress for authorization to attack the forces of the Syrian dictator. Not only were Republicans opposed, but so were Democrats, who were ready to abandon the president.

So Putin saved the president from his own party.


Sen. John McCain gets a moutza again (he could win every month), this time for playing video poker on his smartphone while Congress debated war.

"Scandal!" McCain tweeted. "Caught playing iPhone game at 3+ hour Senate hearing-worst of all I lost!"

No, you didn't lose. You won. Take five. Nah!

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