Mr. President: Save us from Xbox One

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Though he's vowed to cut back on those drone attacks of his, President Barack Obama needs to launch the mother of drone attacks:

Against Xbox One.

It must be destroyed soon, before it's too late.

Americans are fools for shiny technology, and the Xbox One from Microsoft is the coolest, shiniest TV entertainment system in the history of man.

The console, which could cost upward of $350, is being advertised as the perfect thing for watching live TV, movies and streaming video and playing video games.

But there's one thing.

It spies on you.

"That's what really freaks me out," said my colleague Old School. "It'll be spying on me, in the dark, when I'm sitting there."

That's why Xbox One must die.

All the glitzy stuff aside, the danger of Xbox One is that in the hands of an evil genius — or an IRS agent — it could be a spy system.


It has a camera and a microphone.

The camera will look at you when you enter a room, recognize your face and greet you. The microphone will pick up your voice, if you dare speak your thoughts out loud in your own home and transmit it into voice recognition software.

Oh, and you can't turn the microphone off.

The high-powered processor is triggered by keywords. It will learn your video preferences and offer you movies and other entertainment choices based on those preferences.

To recap: It watches you, it greets you, it knows you. It listens to you, it never stops listening. It anticipates your needs.

And Americans will invite it into their homes. They'll love it. They'll play with it, perhaps even design covers and other modified accessories for its cold black skin.

It will become part of our households. Just another black box you can't do without.

You don't have to be an expert in The Chicago Way to see the possibilities of this demonic object.

Knowledge is power. The pursuit of power is the province of ruthless people. Need I say more?

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