But we're all about preferential treatment here today.
You're a former governor, Big Jim, and a former "corruption-busting" U.S. attorney. Did you forget what time it is? It's not only George Ryan Get Out of Jail time.
It's Moutza of the Month time, my boy.
That's when loyal readers of this column help bestow the ancient insult of my Hellenic ancestors. And this one's for January.
The hallowed Moutza doesn't involve one finger, but four fingers and a thumb. Try it. Open your hand, fingers spread wide, thrust your naked palms at the target and say "Nah!" or "Nah! Blow on this, why don't you?" to the nincompoops who really deserve it.
So many worthy candidates, so many Moutzas, so little time.
One serious Moutza of the Month nominee is Mr. Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. He told Dr. Phil that he fell in love with Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o, although Te'o apparently thought Mr. Tuiasosopo was really a pretty girl who got leukemia and died. Then it turned out she wasn't a real dead girl after all. She was Mr. Tuiasosopo with a voice changer.
Mr. Tuiasosopo, for making football more confusing than "The Crying Game": Nah!
Reader Monika N. went to my Facebook page to nominate Secretary of State Hillary "Stand by Your Man" Clinton.
"Hillary 'What Difference Does it Make' Clinton, of course!" wrote Monika.
And Kirsten K. just wrote "Hillary!!!" as did countless others stunned by Mrs. Clinton's last formal testimony in Congress over the Benghazi debacle.
Four Americans died, including Ambassador Chris Stevens, and two of them were left for hours on the rooftops there, pleading for a rescue by U.S. forces. The Obama administration tried to blame it all on a stupid video, rather than terrorists, because the president had an election to win and, well, he did win so what difference does it make?
"What difference, at this point, does it make?" shouted Hillary when asked about the video excuse.
She said four Americans were dead and the thing to do was figure out why and make amends so that it doesn't happen again.
What difference, at this point, does it make, Mrs. Clinton? Well, when you're running for president in 2016 alongside Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, I'll tell you.
In the meantime, may I just say this?
Shawty Lo, the Atlanta-based rapper, made the column just after the New Year. He has at least 11 children with 10 different women, and he wanted to have mamas and babies all live together in his mansion and star in a reality TV show, "All My Babies' Mamas."
Outrage, particularly among African-Americans, forced the Oxygen network to cancel the show before it began. But Mr. Shawty tells showbiz gossips that he's shopping it around, saying, "There are offers on the table."