Any given season can drive you nuts, but this one has shuttle-bused me to an assortment pack of walnuts and cashews.
We're two weeks from Thanksgiving and still no one has satisfactorily explained how USC scored only seven points against Washington State on Sept. 7. I've asked mailmen, real estate agents and dog-walkers, but all they do is shrug.
Two missionaries at my front door said they'd like to help, but they can't figure out how Brigham Young lost at Virginia.
USC piled up 193 yards in total offense.
Pat Haden should call off his coach search, because, in Ed Orgeron, he's apparently found the next Norman Vincent Peale Lombardi.
But wait, there's more:
• How is No. 5 Stanford favored by only three points against unranked USC?
Didn't Stanford score 55 against Washington State and USC seven?
Is this just a lack of respect for Stanford?
Wait, I'm just warming up.
• How could Lane Kiffin have kept tailback Javorius "Buck" Allen buried on the bench?
When I see Allen run I see "Job Saver."
It might have been statistically understandable had the margins been razor close, but it's not: Louisville is No. 13 in the USA Today coaches' poll and UCF is No. 19.
The Harris Poll has Louisville 14 and UCF at 19.
Let the record reflect that, on Oct. 18, Central Florida went to Louisville and won, 38-35.
Central Florida's only loss must have been a real stinker, right?
Actually, the Golden Knights' only blip was a three-point loss to South Carolina, which is No. 12 in the coaches' and Harris polls.
Thank goodness AP voters are paying attention: They have UCF at No. 15 and Louisville at 19.