A: Yes. An unlucky shutout is when you hold your opponent to no points but your team bus blows a tire on the way back to the airport. And then the baggage handlers mislabel your team's equipment and you end up with the clown suits and juggling balls from Circus Vargas.
Listen, the point I was making with Oregon's 49-0 win over Arizona last Saturday was that it wasn't as impressive as it looked.
Arizona was 0 for 6 in the red zone. You'd think the Wildcats could score three points by accident.
Oregon won big despite rushing for only 4.3 yards per carry. That was the Ducks' lowest average per carry since an opening loss to LSU last year.
I've always maintained Oregon's defense is underrated. People forget coordinator Nick Aliotti's schemes held Cam Newton's Auburn team to 22 points in the BCS title game. Oregon didn't get near enough credit for that.
Q: Should the Ducks be No. 1? Who knows? It is far too early to tell based on early schedules. Now, if you can engineer the Pac-12 Networks to be picked up by DirecTV, I will nominate you for the Pulitzer, Kennedy Center Honors and the Nobel Prize.
A: Funny. The more I see of the Pac-12 the less I seem to want the Pac-12 Network son my DirecTV package.
And, please, no on those nominations. My shelves are already stuffed with trophies. I used to work for a paper that handed out awards just for "writer" participation. I have 10 "Golden Typewriter" certificates just for not getting the paper sued for libel.
Should the Ducks be No. 1? No.
Should the Ducks be No. 2? Yes.
Would I like to see Alabama vs. Oregon in the BCS title game? I certainly would pay to see that, although I will get in for free.
Q: Cal vs. USC of the SEC? Surely someone in the Pac-12 has a worse record against Southern Cal than the University of California. Besides, after 100-plus games, Cal's winning percentage against Southern Cal is a respectable .313 compared with the dismal .158 Ole Miss has against Alabama.
Give us a break. It has been a tough season.
A: I was actually referring to the fact that Ole Miss has not defeated Alabama since 2003. That also happens to be the last time Cal beat USC.
I didn't look deeper into the comparison — but I will now.
Ole Miss owns a 9-48-2 record against Alabama. Since 1950, Cal owns a 12-48-2 record against USC.
Ole Miss is famous for picnics in its "The Grove" on game day. Cal has a strawberry "Canyon."
One more thing Cal and Ole Miss have in common: Neither has been to a Rose Bowl since 1959.
Q: You are … brilliant. One of the best college football writers in America. Forget America. The Universe.
A: Oh, please … continue.