Theme Park Ranger
March 27, 2014
A while ago, I compiled a group of theme-park quotations and made a quiz out of them. I'm a sucker for accidental catch phrases, some of which were not designed to be humorous.
It was fun to write, and enough people told me they enjoyed it that I made a mental note to revisit it. My latest list was darker than I expected, but then a major player in this is the company that killed Bambi's mother. I threw in some lighthearted ones to avoid spreading unnecessary depression.
The following quotations are routinely heard in Central Florida theme parks. I stuck with recorded bits so that what you read is what you hear and not up to the whimsy of an actor trying to stay awake during his or her double shift.
And just for grins, there's a song thrown in this time.
In what attraction would you hear these phrases? (Answers are below.)
1. "Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind."
Clue: He was an early transformer.
2. "Donald, wake up, it's show time. Don't forget the orchestra. And don't touch my hat."
Clue: Who's the leader of the band?
3. "Dreams will come true, hearts will soar and you will become part of the magic."
Clue: Taking it to the street.
4. "Is that a churro? Just what do you think this is — a theme park? We're at war!"
Clue: What will that snack turn into?
5. "But now we must seek shelter from the storm. There are many dangers in this beautiful and harsh land. Alone we would not survive, but together we will thrive."
Clue: It's a formal affair.
6. "I know you're probably feeling a little bit nervous right now, but don't worry. Every astronaut has felt that way at one time or another, even the heroes that went to the moon."
Clue: No one can hear you scream.
7. "What am I so scared of? It's just a dinosaur. What's the big deal about dinosaurs? They're not so tough. They probably have a brain the size of a pea."
Clue: She's peppy in the afternoon.
8. "You have been fooled by us. We are evil aliens. I laugh at your stupidity."
Clue: All around (a fictional) town.
9. "You are not the first to pass this way. Nor shall you be the last."
Clue: You might be "Frozen."
"Time, the ever-flowing river. Come with us now to the time before man, when the river flowed from the newborn world, and giants walked the Earth."
Clue: They made a splash, then disappeared.
11. "There is just one moon and one golden sun, and a smile means friendship to everyone."
Clue: It's all in your head, after all.
12. "I guess that wraps things up. You guys did all right. But don't give up your day job. Say cheese! See you later."
Clue: Photographer by day, web master by night.
1. Narrator's introduction, "Beauty and the Beast — Live on Stage," Disney's Hollywood Studios.
2. Mickey Mouse in Mickey's PhilharMagic, Magic Kingdom.
3. Introduction, Disney Festival of Fantasy parade, Magic Kingdom.
4. Megatron, Transformers: the Ride – 3D, Universal Studios.
5. Pre-show narrator, Antarctica: Empire of the Penguin, SeaWorld Orlando.
6. Gary Sinise in video for Mission Space, Epcot.
7. Ellen DeGeneres in Ellen's Energy Adventure, Epcot.
8. Kang & Kodos' Twirl 'n' Hurl, Universal Studios.
9. Narrator, Maelstrom ride at Norway, Epcot.
10. Narrator, Jurassic Park River Adventure, Islands of Adventure.
11. Lyric from "It's a Small World," Magic Kingdom.
12. Spider-Man, dangling near the end of Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man, Islands of Adventure.
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