Theme Park Ranger
9:16 AM EDT, August 9, 2012
One of my guaranteed chuckles at our theme parks is during MuppetVision 3D at Disney's Hollywood Studios. Kermit the Frog and company are producing a musical spectacular and he asks what the title is.
"It's 'A Salute to All Nations … But Mostly America,' " replies Sam Eagle.
Ah, right on target. Let's laugh at ourselves, even in these triumphant Olympic times.
Another line that stands out for me is during the Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man ride at Islands of Adventure. Our web-slinging hero says "this could be the most dangerous night of my life [dramatic pause] and yours!" He points at us twice on the "and yours" part, using the 3-D effect to fullest effect.
I like to point back at Spidey and say "and yours" with him, as if the ride included crowd participation a la "Rocky Horror Picture Show." (I still think that would be awesome. Who's in?)
The parks have loads of prerecorded messages in shows and queues, some humorous, some instructional, some poignant. I've assembled a few in quiz form (answers are in the gray area to the side). In what attraction would you hear these words? And what character is speaking?
1. "Everything looks good. I think ... I think this time it's … going to work! … No! No! No! No!"
Clue: It's not easy being green.
2. "This chamber has no windows and no doors ... which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out!"
Clue: But vertical stripes are so slimming.
3. "I hate smiling."
Clue: Perhaps he has come down with boogie fever.
4. "Leaving so soon? I think not."
Clue: Think old-school lost continent.
5. "Prepare to forfeit your souls! Death is only the beginning!"
Clue: That's a wrap!
6. "We may come from different places and believe different things, but what makes us American is a shared spirit — a spirit of courage and determination, of kindness and generosity."
Clue: It's a commander but not Commander Coconut.
7. "Thank the Phoenicians"
Clue: Easy as ABC.
8. "Silence! Infidels! You infect my world with your presence. Turn the others into trash cans. And for him, 100 years of torture in my deepest dungeon."
Clue: Hand her (another) Oscar!
9. "No, Celine Dion is not here!"
Clue: Please rise for the national anthem.
10. "You haven't seen a dragon, have you?"
Clue: It doesn't sweep into the picture, but others do.
11. "C'mon everybody. Here we goooooooo!"
Clue: London's calling, but it's not Matt Lauer.
12. "We wants the redhead! We wants the redhead!"
Clue: Some scalawags would call it a booty call.
13. "We ain't going anywhere anyhow. We're kinda hung up here."
Clue: This shouldn't buffalo you.
14. "Are you ready to rock out making music-video history? Let's hit it! Hasta!"
Clue: No, it's not Terminator, but it's close.
15. "Sweetie, they won't kill you in an amusement park as long as you have a dime left in your pocket."
Clue: Yellow, but not mellow.
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